YAOI RP of Oddness
by Matt is Seme
Summary: Rp full of yaoi, cussing, game playin' and chocolate eating. UPDATE: Chapter 7 MelloXMikami ANOTHERUPDATE: uped the rating for language and themes. No lemons.
1. Prank Call

A.M.: This is based off a RP my friend and I did...quite odd...very random...

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! D8

"Matt stop playing your fucking games." Mello growled at the red-headed boy on the couch.

Mello stood up from his computer chair and walked over to the hacker and snatched his gameboy away. 

"...YOU BASTARD!" Matt shouted and tackles Mello to the floor.

"Matt! Get the hell off of me!" The fallen teen demanded and tried to shove him off.

Matt said nothing and grabbed his gameboy and sat on Mello's stomach and commenced playing his game.

"Matt, I said...GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" This time he succedded in shoving the boy off his stomach.

Matt fell on his back but continued playing his beloved game.

Mello sighed. "Anyway...Where the hell is my chocolate?!" Mello asked of Matt. "Matt...?"

"..." In record speed Matt was out the door, running for his life, gameboy still in hand.

"Whore! GET BACK HERE!" And the blonde rushed after him.

Matt screamed as he ran aimlessly away and a 7/11 came in sight.

He ran inside and went straight for the candy. He picked up four bars of Dove chocolate and bought it.

He walked outside, only to have a gun pointed an inch from his face.

He held out the chocolate to Mello and the blonde snatched it from him.

Matt sat down on the curb and resumed playing his game.

"Damn you! Don't be confused! I said use gust, you damn pidgy! GUST!"

Mello just rolled his eyes. "Freak." He snapped off a piece of chocolate with his teeth.

Matt looked up with false confusion in his eyes. "Me? A freak? Whatever makes you say that?"

"Matt, you're a dork." Mello retorted.

(Warning: Next part is extremely odd.)

Matt stood up and raised his hands in the air. "I'm not a dork my love! I AM YOUR SEME!" He then began to laugh in an evil manner.

Mello snapped off another hunk of chocolate and pulled out his gun again. "Oh? And who has the gun?"

Matt automatically stopped laughed and threw himself behind a car. "...you do..."

Mello smirked. "That's right."

Matt slowly stood and lit up a cancer stick. (A/N: That's what I call 'em xD) "So...what'cha wanna do now?"

"Hmmm...we could..."

"Hmm?"

"I dont know..."

Matt took a drag from the cig and said, "...Wanna prank call Near?"

"Hell yeah!" Mello shouted.

Matt pulled out his (untracable) cell phone and dialed the number. "Heh..."

"Shut up." Mello said.

"It's ringing." Matt whispered.

"I told you to shut up!" Mello whispered back, then hit him on the head with his chocolate. And, as most of us know, unless they have not had Dove chocolate, it is quite harder than regular chocolate.

"Ow..." Matt said bluntly and sat down holding his head.

Mello took the phone and waited for someone to answer.

"Hello?" Near answer in the same monotone as ever.

In a higher pitched voice that made Matt look up to see if was actually Mello, he said, "Has your uke been trying to be seme?"

"Who is this?" Near asked, still emotionless.

Mello handed the phone to Matt and snickered.

Matt shook his head and shoved it back to Mello. He mouthed. "I don't want to!"

Mello covered the mouth piece and gave Matt an evil look. "Take the phone or no sex for a week."

Near could be heard from the ear piece saying, "Hello? Anyone there?"

Matt pouted. "Fine..." He took the phone and said in high voice, "If your uke is trying to be seme, teach them whose boss by chaining them down and whipping them hard..."

Matt shut the phone with a snap and glared at Mello. Mello just smirked.

THE END CAUSE MY MELLO HAD TO LEAVE D8 


	2. Tea Party? NOT!

MattIsSeme: Yo' Uhm...another RP...yay...more random than the last...

"Hey Matt..." Mello said.

"Yo'." Matt answer, playing his game intently.

"Why do you always play those retarded games?"

"'Cause they're a lot more interesting than real life." Matt answered without pausing in playing the game before him.

A few moments of silence later...

"DAMN YOU RIKU YOU EVIL BASTARD!" Matt said and threw the controller at the screen of the TV, which bounced off and hit him in the head, causing him to be unconcious.

Mello sighed and pulled out his phone. He dialed the first number that popped into his head. Which happened to be Near's.

Near answered with a bland, "Hello?"

"Uh...Hey, Near, Matt is feeling lonely and he really WANTS you..."

"Mello...?" Near asked.

"What?"

"Can you come over?"

Mello blinked, "Uh...sure..." He covered the mouth piece. "Matt! Near wants you to come see him." He smirked. But unluckily, Matt was still out like a light. (A/N: I find that incredibly funny for some reason...)

"Damn..." Mello whispered. A bucket of water materialized out of thin air and fell on Matt, causing him to awaken.

"AAAAH! NO! I FORGOT TO SAVE...! Wait...what?" Matt looked up from his spot on the floor to Mello.

"Matt, Near wants you to come over."

"Why?!" Matt whined.

Mello shrugged and put the phone to his ear. "But why Near?"

"I want to...I want to have a tea party..." Near whispered.

"Uh huh..." Mello again covered the mouth piece which seems to happen a lot in these RPs we have...Oh yes to the plot...He turned back to Matt, "He wants to have a tea party."

Matt burst out laughing. "Oh my god, really? NEAR wants to have a TEA PARTY?!"

Mello thought of an evil plan to get Matt there and smirked. "Yeah...with POKEMON!"

Matt's jaw hit the floor and he grabbed th front of Mello's vest. "Oh my god! POKEMON! Why the hell are we still HERE?!"

With that, Matt joyfully skipped to Near's house with the front of Mello's vest still balled up in his fist, causing the blonde to follow him.

"Damn...why'd you pull me here, game-freak?!" Mello asked.

Before Matt could answer Near opened the door to his home and let them in. "Hello, Mihael." Near said with a slight blush. (A/N: xD)

Matt slouched some. "What am I? Trash?"

Mello pulled out a gun and pointed it in Near's general direction. "Bitch, please."

Near's eyes widdened and said shakily, "Uh...the t-tea party?"

Mello scoffed and turned to Matt, "Oh and Matt, yes, you are worthless filthy trash."

Matt's eyes teared up behind his googles and fell to the floor sobbing. "NO ONE LOVES ME!"

Mello, apperently feeling bad about doing this, bent down and hugged his dear seme. (A/N: Matt is seme, do not deny.)

"I love you Mello..." Matt said softly.

Mello pushed him back and said, "WHAT THE HELL!"

Near was completely forgotten about and decided to go start his tea party by himself in the kitchen. Matt began to sob again and ran to the bathroom.

"Matt! Wait!" Mello said after the red head.

Suddenly, L popped up out of nowhere and said with an evil grin, "EAT YOUR VEG TABLES!" And disapeared. (A/N: Uhmm...most random thing to happen in RP...ever...)

Mello sighed in frustration and pulled out a bar of chocolate. He snapped off a considerably large chunk with his teeth and swallowed it. "Bitches..." 


	3. Matt's BreakdownIn Your Pants

Once upon a time there was a magical-

Mello: WRONG STORY!

Oh...well...damn...

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of it's characters or "Move Bitch" by Ludacris...

"Move, bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way!" Mello sang as he walked into the appartment he and Matt shared.

Matt, who sat on the floor in front of the TV playing God of War on his PlayStation 2, ignored the blonde and intently played his game.

"Hey Matt, how's it going?" Mello asked. He was in an oddly good mood.

"...good..." Matt said.

Mello sat down on the couch and checked his pockets. "That whore! She stole my chocolate!"

Matt looked up slightly from his game and asked, "Who...?"

"Misa."

"OH SHIT! THAT BITCH CAME OUTTA NO WHERE! Wow, how'd she get it?" Matt aksed after being suprise attacked by some monster-zombie thingys. "Fuck, I died..." He muttered and started the game over.

"...She told me not to say..." Mello whispered.

Matt's jaw clenched, "Gross, Mello..."

"What?"

"Nothing..." Matt said as he chopped some guys head off fiercly.

"Tell me, Matt!" Mello growled.

Matt stood up and threw the controller to the floor. "YOU LOVE MISA MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME! YOU BASTARD, HOW COULD YOU! AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER!" And he stormed off. "I NEED A GOD DAMN SMOKE!"

((A/N: Ok...so in the actual RP I misspelled 'storm' and this is what happen.  
Mello: (strom? What the hell is that)  
Matt: (like...runs off all angry like)  
Mello: (STORM)  
Matt: (ITS A SPELLING ERROR)  
lol fun stuff...back to the story...))

Mello ran after him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Matt, you, you are on drugs!"

"No duh!" He paused to take a drag from his CANCER STICK! (A/N: they give you cancer! ) "IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" And he ran off to 7/11. (Random fact of the day: In the manga Loveless, there's a 7/11.)

Mello magically appeared at 7/11 and told Matt, "Well, I'm on crack."

"And you didn't share...?" Matt asked.

"You're on drugs!" Mello shouted again.

Just then L popped out of nowhere and shouted, "DRUGS IS BAD FOR ZEE CHILDRENZ!" and then poofed away.

"I'm on crack it's different...it's cooler..." Mello said.

Matt stood there with his mouth open. "...Did you...did you just see L pop up out of thin air...?"

Mello nodded and said, "Yeah! It was scary as hell!"

"Ok then..." Matt said boredly. "WE SHOULD GET SOME CHOCOLATE!" He yelled suddenly.

Mello reached into his pants and pulled out a bar of chocolate, which apperently he forgot about earlier when he said Misa had stolen it. "Here." He handed it to Matt, who took it.

Matt took a bite and looked back to Mello and asked in a seductive voice, "What else do you have in your pants...?"

Mello glared and asked, "Do you really wanna know?"

"Heheh..."

DA END! 8D

lol fun stuff, eh? Sorry for the over-all random ickyness of this chapter...but we were like...high off all the smoke around here. (There's fires poppin' up everywhere here...) 


	4. JtHM and Mello gives up chocolate!

"Heh..." Mello snickered as he read a magazine with an odd Z and a question mark on the cover.

Matt sat at the other side of the room sitting in front of a TV screen with his GameCube hooked up playing Naruto Ultimate Ninja. "What? Gah, Kakashi, why won't you just die!"

Mello waved the comic at his childhood friend. "You gotta read this!"

Matt reluctantly put down his controller and slouched over to Mello and peered over his shoulder. "Hmm?"

"He's talking to a stuffed bear!" Mello said.

"Wow, hey didn't you used to do that?" Matt asked.

"No! I talked to my monkey, Coco!" Mello said.

"Oh, yeah...must've been Near who had the bear..." Matt mused with a thoughtful face.

"Oh! Now he's killing Shmee!" Mello laughed.

"...Why's he killing Shmee...?"

"He said it told lies! I quote, "WELL FUCK YOU MR. BEAR! YOU TELL LIIIIESSSSSSSS!"" Mello quoted.

"So, lemme get this straight, this maniac guy is killing a poor stuffed bear 'cause he thinks it's telling him lies...? Where is this set...?"

"Yup, pretty much. They're in Squee's bathroom!" Mello grinned.

"Squee? Wow, that's worst than Mail and that's pretty damn bad...What are his parents on...! I kinda want some..." Matt said.

"I dunno, and NO!"

Matt lit a ciggy and took a drag. "Fine, be that way..."

Mello scowled and snatched the lit cancer stick and put it out with his boot. "No!"

"Hey! I need those!" Matt whined.

"No, I'm giving up chocolate, so you're givng up ciggerettes!"

"What...did...you...say? Oh...my...fucking...god..."

"What? Matt...are you okay? Matt? HEY!" Mello caught Matt just before he hit the floor.

Matt had fainted, but hey who wouldn't...Mello giving up chocolate is absurd!

Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (c) Jhonen Vazques Death Note (c) Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata Plot (c) Myself (Matt) and My friend (Mello)


	5. WithdrawlWhatNearWTF

Warning: Yaoi, OOCness, MelloXNear and hints of MattXMello and Emo!Matt.

Mello was sitting on the couch, legs pulled up to his chest. He twitched suddenly. "I can't take it anymore!"

Matt looked up from his game. "Huh?" He knew what was coming.

"I NEED CHOCOLATE!" Mello jumped up and grabbed the front of Matt's shirt and shook him violently.

"AAAAAAH!" Matt screamed as he was being shaked.

"GIVE ME CHOCOLATE!" Mello twitched.

"I DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE! LET ME GO! YOU'RE HURTING MY BRAINS!"

"I CAN'T HURT YOUR BRAINS BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY TO HURT!" Mello let go of Matt's vest and sat back down on the couch.

"Why are you so mean to me?!" Matt said and tears leeked from his eyes.

Mello twitched again. "I'm not..."

"YES YOU ARE!" Matt yelled, getting angry. (A/N: YAY MOODSWINGS XD)

"NO I'M NOT...! WELL FINE! BE THAT WAY! I'M GOING TO NEAR'S!" Mello stormed out the door and ran to Near's leaving Matt to run off to the bathroom and emo.

MEANWHILE AT NEAR'S! 8D

Mello knocked on Near's front door.

Near opened the door and looked up at Mello. (A/N: He's shorter XP)

"Yes, Mello?"

"Hi Near. Matt's emozing and L's dead so I thought I'd come over here..."

"...Okay."

"So..." Mello went over and sat on the couch.

"So...?" Near blinked at him.

"Whaddya wanna do?" Mello asked him boredly.

"I don't know."

Mello sprawled out on the couch. "Ahhh..."

"What?" Near asked.

"I don't to lay my feet on that emo gamer...that very se-" Mello coughed fakely.

".../What/...?"

"Will you stop with the what?!"

"With what...?"

"See?!"

"What are you talking about, Mihael?"

"You keep saying what!"

"I'm sorry?"

Mello glared at Near, and sighed heavily. "Hmm..."

"...What...?"

"I'm just...I dunno..."

"Hmm..."

insert akward silence

"...Near..." Mello said, still laying on his back on the couch.

"Yes Mello?" Near answerd.

"You're boring."

"..."

"You know it too."

"..."

inssert another akward silence

Mello squirmed on the couch. "Stupid leather pants..."

Near rolled his eyes. "Well why don't you take them off."

"NEAR!" Mello yelled and looked over at Near.

"Yes, Mello?"

"The- Nevermind..."

"Okay."

Mello just blinked repeatedly at Near.

"..." Near sighed. "What?"

"You're creepy."

"Well..."

"Telling me to take off my pants...God Near..."

Near blushed. "Uhm..."

(A/N: WARNING! OOC NEAR and YAOI XD)

"OH MY GOD NEAR!" Mello sat straight up on the couch. "No wonder you wanted to be paired with me once L died!"

Near stood up and yelled, "OKAY I GIVE UP!" He jumped ontop of Mello. "I LOVE YOU! TAKE ME NOW!"

THE END.

we warned you. 


	6. LXLIGHT SPECIAL! 23 percent

LightXL special

L sat, perched on the edge of his chair eating marshMELLOws, staring at Yagami Light, who had fallen asleep at his desk.

L popped a marshmello in his mouth and continued starring at the supposed Kira, who was leaving nice sized puddle of drool over some paperwork.

Suddenly Light woke with a start. "Ahhh!"

"What is it Yagami-kun?" L asked with a mouth full of marshmellow.

"No..."

"No?"

"DAMN IT!" Light yelled. "We're still cuffed!"

"Do not use such foul language, Light-kun." L paused and smirked. "And of course we're still chained together, because you are Kira."

Light glared at L. "Damn..." He muttered.

"What is it Yagami-kun?" L leaned in to Light and stared at him with a smirk on his face. "Are you going to confess that you are Kira?"

"Please don't get that close to me. It makes me uncomfortable." Light said, leaning back in his chair, away from L.

"Oh? You don't like being close to me, Light-kun?" L mocked.

Light frowned. "No, I don't.

"Maybe," L paused. "it's because you know I know that you're Kira and that I will reveal you as what you really are."

"No...it's not that." Light muttered.

"Then, what, Light-kun? What else could it be?" L asked.

"I can't say..."

"Why not?" L tilted his head.

"Because."

"That's not fair, Light-kun." L pouted.

"Yes it is." Light folded his arms stubbornly.

A long pause.

"Would you like some ice cream?" L asked. "Or some tea?"

"No." Light huffed.

"Why so stiff, Light-kun?" L asked.

"U-uh...um..." Light chuckled nevously. "I'm not..."

A pause, followed by a pout.

"Light-kun..."

(A/N: I make L such an uke xD shot )

"Yes?"

"As much as I hate to say it..."

Light stared intensly at L. "..."

"I would hate to capture you as Kira."

(A/N: Uh...here's what happened in a seperate conversation about this part.  
MattIsSeme: and you thought it would be kinky! You sicko! Eetthechildren: xD

Anyway lol...)

insert long silence

"Um...L? Can I tell you a secert?"

"Of course Light-kun." L leaned in a little and tilted his head.

Light closed the distance between them and kissed L, whose eyes widdened even more if humanly possible.

Light blushed a dark shade of pink and turned away.

"Light-kun...?" L said, blushing.

"Yes, L...?"

L romantically kissed Light full on the lips. Light then wrapped his arms around L in a tight hug.

"Oh...and Light-kun...23..."

GREAT ENDING YES?! xDD 


	7. We need more milk

**Yo'. More yaoi filled Rping with crazy crack pairings. Although this took longer than it usually does, because I've actually been putting off writing this. I might have to up the rating on this...**

**I will be putting our actual comments in this one. They'll be in the ( ). Other comments will be in . **

**MiS: Matt is Seme**

**Etc: Eet the children**

**  
Death Note © Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata**

**RP © Matt is Seme and Eetthechildren **

**Beatles song © the Beatles **

Mikami Teru ran down an alley way. He stopped to catch his breath.

"I must find KAMI!" He said. ( MiS: Kami Light )

"Why?" said a leather wearing, chocolate eating, blond male.

"BECAUSE HE NEEDS ME!" Mikami spun around to face the blond.

"I must find Matt...but that's not the point..." Mello muttered the last part.

Mikami paused. "Who's Matt?" ( MiS: YOUR SEME XD )

Mello blushed slightly. "Uh...no one."

"Sure...BUT I MUST FIND KAMI!" Mikami turned again and began walking.

Mello smirked a bit. "No."

Mikami turned again, as if he were doing some kind of odd ballerina dance thing that involved turning a lot...what was a I doing...? Oh yeah. Mikami turned back to face Mello, and shouted, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO!?" ( Etc: Between what?! dunno why Etc said that... ) ( MiS: ...huh? )

Mello then lunged at Mikami, who was unprepared, and was pinned against the alleyway wall.

"...uh..." Mikami blinked. "Personal space please?" He was not amused. Yet.

Mello bite down on to Mikami's neck. ( Etc: xD IDK ) Mikami gasped, then moaned. ( MiS: LOL )

Mello smirked at the hickey he left. ( Etc: xDDD ) Mikami gasped again. ( MiS: lol wtf man? ) ( Etc: I don't know! ) ( MiS: on with it then... ) "Tell **that** to your _Kami_."

Mikami cleared his throat. "...Ahem...Good day to you sir..." And he attempted to run. Attempted, but alas, when has anything good happened to him...

Mello pinned him again, against the wall.

Mikami struggled. "Now what?!"

Mello smirked. "Are you passing up a chance like this?"

Mikami blinked, oblivious. "A chance to...?"

Mello then kissed Mikami full on the lips and Mikami's eyes widened considerably. ( MiS: Lol RANDOM YAOI! ) ( Etc: I'm bored as hell so don't ask. ) ( MiS: okay then... XD but srsly? MelloXMikami?! XD ) ( Etc: This is really weird )

Mikami's slowly closed. ( MiS: lol ) Mello broke away and licked Mikami's neck, making Mikami moan. ( MiS: Lol don't ask )

"Not like Matt, but oh well..." Mello whispered in Mikami's ear.

Mikami began muttering. "...must...get to Kami..."

"Still want _Kami_?" Mello asked.

Mikami muttered something. Mello smirked. "What was that?"

"...No..." Mello's smirk grew and Mikami pouted. And then...

_**SHE LOVES YOU YEAH YEAH YEAH**_

Mello answered his phone with a sneer. "Hello?"

"Yo'." Matt's bored voice, accompanied by the clicking of a controller and booming of some game music met his ears. Mello snarled, "Hey."

"Where are ya'?" Matt asked, the clicking non-stop.

"Umm..." Mello began to think.

"Who is it...?" Mikami whispered.

"I'm at the store!" ( MiS: We're in an alley! ) Mello said into the phone, then turned to Mikami. "No one."

"Alright then, get me some cigs." **CLICK**

Mikami pouted as Mello put up his phone. "That was hella close..." Mello muttered.

"I'm guessing that was your Matt then." Mikami said.

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

"He wanted some fags."

"..."

"Cigarettes."

"Ah."

Mello nodded a bit. "Yeah..."

AKWARD SILENCE

"Uhm...so..." Mikami blushed.

"What?"

Mikami muttered something and Mello smirked and kissed him. Mikami kissed the blond back. ( MiS: Lol, this is weird. )

DUN DUN DUN! Light Yagami walks up out of nowhere.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! MIKAMI!"

Mikami stumbled over, out of Mellos' reach, who just stood there. "KAMI! Uhm...It's not what it looks like!"

"BULL FUCKING SHIT!" Light yelled. ( MiS: LOL! CRAZY KAMI! )

Mikami looked from Mello to Light. "I...uhm..."

Light folded his arms and 'hmph'ed.

"I-...I'm sorry..." Mikami said, earning a glare from Light, making Mikami look down shamefully.

Light sighed. "I forgive you." That made Mikami look up faster than L on a chocolate strawberry cake covered in hot chocolate sauce with a side of ice cream covered in gummy bears and M&Ms with whipped cream on top...We're sooo getting of topic here. I like it. gets hit with oreos AH! Okay okay...dear jashin...

( MiS: Where is Mello?! XD ) ( Etc: he's just standing there... ) ( MiS: ah...make his phone ring...XD again )

_**SHE LOVES YOU YEAH YEAH YEAH **_

Mello flipped his phone open. "Talk to me." This also earned him a glare from Light.

"Yo'." Again, the red/black/green haired there has been a lot of...discussion of Matt's hair color..., chain-smoking, game-playing teen spoke into the phone, with the background noise of repeated clicking of buttons.

Mello sighed. "Hi."

"Uhm, hey, while you're at the store..." He paused.

Mello sighed again, frustrated. "Yeah?"

"We need more milk."

_**END**_

**Well, tell me what cha' think. **

**D'you want our comments in or out?**

**Do not comment on the oddness of this RP or the pairing.**


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